Friday, December 9, 2011

50 Reasons NOT to Date a Photographer



They rather hold their bulky camera,

than hold hands with you





On a romantic date,
you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”



You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines
because they’ll point out all the visual flaws


They like to sit in obscure coffee shop
and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time

If you’re taking a walk outside
and you come across some “interesting light”
they will make you sit/stand/pose in public
so that they can take a photo


You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals
because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations
of the same dish with their iPhone

They get angry when your friends go up to them
and say “I am interested in photography,
can you recommend a good camera for me?
Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures”

You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv



Same goes with old used bookstores


When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you
with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool


Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy
as they people watch everything going on around you


They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you


You can’t take a photo with them
without taking at least five more


If you ask them if you look fat,
they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later”


They’ll never photoshop something simple for you
if the content is not up to their “standards”


That photo they randomly took of you yesterday?
Good luck getting them to send it to you


They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn)


They can’t have a normal conversation withot
throwing acronyms and random numbers


They still use film cameras


They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you
i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people


They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup


They won’t return your calls or text messages,
but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram


They like watching old films that you’ve never heard
or will ever understand


They like looking at weird things in general


Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy


If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land,
they’re already on a plane going over there


Everything is watermarked


They think everyone else’s photos suck


They want to color correct a lot of scenes
from Twilight and Jersey Shore


They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle


and the conversation goes deep,
they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskin


They use over priced Moleskin notebooks


They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings
filled with health hazards


but don’t really care if you like it or not


They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture


Bright, sunny days make them sad,
but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!


They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged


Your birthday present will be a portrait that
they’ve taken of you


You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything


They will always bug you to be a test subject


Nothing can ever be naturally pretty,
everything must be fixed in Photoshop


Bringing their camera means,
bringing 50lbs of equipment


If you break any of their things on accident,
you’ll owe them thousands of dollars


You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present
without spending at least $500


They are natural hoarders,
collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers,
packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them


They are weird and geeky


They have hard drives of photos,
but probably have printed 10 images


They are always secretly judging your creativity


If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you





Reasons by Rob Skeoch


They always want to show a new photo they took,
Whenever you’re in a group talking
Photo by George Wong

No comments:

Post a Comment

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails