Friday, December 9, 2011

50 Reasons NOT to Date a Photographer

They rather hold their bulky camera,

than hold hands with you

On a romantic date,
you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”

You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines
because they’ll point out all the visual flaws

They like to sit in obscure coffee shop
and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time

If you’re taking a walk outside
and you come across some “interesting light”
they will make you sit/stand/pose in public
so that they can take a photo

You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals
because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations
of the same dish with their iPhone

They get angry when your friends go up to them
and say “I am interested in photography,
can you recommend a good camera for me?
Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures”

You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv

Same goes with old used bookstores

When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you
with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool

Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy
as they people watch everything going on around you

They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you

You can’t take a photo with them
without taking at least five more

If you ask them if you look fat,
they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later”

They’ll never photoshop something simple for you
if the content is not up to their “standards”

That photo they randomly took of you yesterday?
Good luck getting them to send it to you

They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn)

They can’t have a normal conversation withot
throwing acronyms and random numbers

They still use film cameras

They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you
i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people

They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup

They won’t return your calls or text messages,
but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram

They like watching old films that you’ve never heard
or will ever understand

They like looking at weird things in general

Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy

If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land,
they’re already on a plane going over there

Everything is watermarked

They think everyone else’s photos suck

They want to color correct a lot of scenes
from Twilight and Jersey Shore

They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle

and the conversation goes deep,
they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskin

They use over priced Moleskin notebooks

They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings
filled with health hazards

but don’t really care if you like it or not

They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture

Bright, sunny days make them sad,
but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!

They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged

Your birthday present will be a portrait that
they’ve taken of you

You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything

They will always bug you to be a test subject

Nothing can ever be naturally pretty,
everything must be fixed in Photoshop

Bringing their camera means,
bringing 50lbs of equipment

If you break any of their things on accident,
you’ll owe them thousands of dollars

You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present
without spending at least $500

They are natural hoarders,
collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers,
packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them

They are weird and geeky

They have hard drives of photos,
but probably have printed 10 images

They are always secretly judging your creativity

If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you

Reasons by Rob Skeoch

They always want to show a new photo they took,
Whenever you’re in a group talking
Photo by George Wong

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