Kulula ! ! ! Best budget airline in Africa

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline

that doesn't take itself too seriously.

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From the cockpit on KULULA.COM- South Africa's Budget Airline

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY

WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM 

IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - 

SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN

Kulula is an Airline with its head office situated in Johannesburg.

Kulula airline attendants make an effort to 

make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements 

a bit more entertaining

Here are some real examples 

that have been heard or reported:

-----------------------------------------------------------------

On a Kulula flight, 

(there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, 

when a flight attendant announced, 

"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, 

find a seat and get in it!"

    ---o0o---

 On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, 

the pilot said, 

"Ladies and gentlemen, 

we've reached cruising altitude and 

will be turning down the cabin lights. 

This is for your comfort and to enhance 

the appearance of your flight attendants."

  ----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said, 

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings 

If you're going to leave anything, please make sure 

it's something we'd like to have."

 ----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, 

but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

  ---o0o---

 "Thank you for flying Kulula 

We hope you enjoyed giving us the business 

as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride"

  ---o0o---

 As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, 

a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:  

"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

  ---o0o---

After a particularly rough landing 

during thunderstorms in the Karoo , 

a flight attendant on a flight announced, 

"Please take care when opening 

the overhead compartments because, 

after a landing like that, 

sure as hell everything has shifted."

 ---o0o---

From a Kulula employee:  

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth 

To operate your seat belt, 

insert the metal tab into the buckle, 

and pull tight

It works just like every other seat belt; 

and, if you don't know how to operate one, 

you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, 

masks will descend from the ceiling

Stop screaming, grab the mask, 

and pull it over your face 

If you have a small child travelling with you, 

secure your mask before assisting with theirs 

If you are travelling with more than one small child, 

pick your favourite."

 ---o0o---

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive 

Thank you, and remember, 

nobody loves you, 

or your money, 

more than Kulula Airlines."

 ----o0o---

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; 

and in the event of an emergency water landing, 

please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

 ---o0o---

 "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly 

among the flight attendants 

Please do not leave children or spouses."
 
---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message: 

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that 

we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

---o0o---

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 

"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking 

I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, 

it wasn't the pilot's fault, 

it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, 

it was the asphalt."
 
---o0o---

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, 

on a particularly windy and bumpy day:  

During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it 

After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City 

Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened 

while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
 
---o0o---

 Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:  "We ask you to please remain seated 

as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
 
---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight 

he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard 

The airline had a policy which required the first officer 

to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, 

and give them a, " Thanks for flying our airline  "

He said that, in light of his bad landing, 

he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, 

thinking that someone would have a smart comment  

Finally everyone had gotten off 

except for a little old lady walking with a cane 

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" 

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" 

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
 
---o0o---

 After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, 

the attendant came on with, 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats 

until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft 

to a screeching halt against the gate 

And, once the tire smoke has cleared 

and the warning bells are silenced, 

we will open the door and you can pick your way 

through the wreckage to the terminal."

---o0o---

 Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today 

And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting 

through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, 

we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
 
---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight 

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, 

the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing 

If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
 
---o0o---

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport 

After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, 

the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking 

Welcome to Flight Number 293, 

non-stop from Durban to Cape Town 

The weather ahead is good and, therefore, 

we should have a smooth and uneventful flight 

Now sit back and relax 

OH, MY GOODNESS!" 

Silence followed, 

and after a few minutes, 

the captain came back on the intercom and said, 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier  

While I was talking to you, 

the flight attendant accidentally spilled 

a cup of hot coffee in my lap 

You should see the front of my pants!" 

A passenger then yelled, 

"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"